satire: fear and loathing for xbox 360

Okay, I'm not going to hold back. I have come to terms with the fact that I absolutely hate the Xbox 360 and everything it stands for. The Xbox 360 is like...that douche bag in college that thinks he is superior in every single way. You know the ones I'm talking about. Those tools with the backwards baseball cap, chin strap beard, and a tribal around their arm. See, now you know what I mean. I don't even think hate is the word...I despise the fucking beige, malfunctioning, piece of red-ringed, technical shit that it is. Bill Gates can suck a huge dick for thinking, for a second, that he deserves an ounce of support in his escapades to take down Sony and Nintendo. Like, I will admit, I'm a Sony fanboy. I'd go gay if Sony was an actual person...well that assumes that Sony would be a man...and clearly the name, "Sony" sounds quite feminine...I digress.

Point is, I love Sony and to have Microsoft walk into my living room, help himself to the contents of my refrigerator, fart in my face, and sleep in my bed makes me want to smash the fucking thing into my floor.



Yeah, I know...I just said my floor. I kind of own one...

Yeah. But what kind of a gamer would I be if I didn't own all three seventh generation systems??

I think that's the problem, if we want to truly get rid of the Xbox, we've got to suck up the fact that it has a few good games, and just leave it to die on Wal-Mart shelves. It's attracted this new wave of toolbag gamers who own nothing but Gears of War, Halo, and Call of Duty and wouldn't dare touch a game where there was any slight sense of feelings aside from the occasional laugh that you just soddered some babies eyeballs out with his mother's foot after detaching it from her screaming body and lighting it on fire. To them, games are shooting, bleeding, killing, and every other verb that insists violence on a shallow level. Don't get me wrong though, violence can be fucking beautiful. I loved No More Heroes with every passing second I played in an attempt to shank some Russian hottie. But I realize that it's a shallow concept and that there's more to the game than that.

Now that I have totally pissed about...75% of the U.S. gaming community.

I will leave you to think about that a bit. :)